"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
