she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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