good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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