i'm signing you up for texting rehab
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
