pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sarcasm needs its own font
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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