that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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