best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was confusing and full of hummus
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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