Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
