I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
