my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
