whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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