I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
