i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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