Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
