Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
