he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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