dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
