I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
