yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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