Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
