Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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