Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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