If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
