shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
