I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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