one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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