im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
