just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
