They should really pass out barf bags in church
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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