I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
