i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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