p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
