You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
