vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
