Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
