Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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