She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
