I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
