Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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