did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
