All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
