dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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