I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
