OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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