My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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