I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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