drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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