You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
