history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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