So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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