And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
