he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
