hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
