im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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