This is not my ceiling
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
