She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
