Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
