if i can run in heels then i can drive
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
