So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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