I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
