my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
