I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
