Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
